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Good: No need to hold one of those annoying elections next year; Howard Dean able to spend more time with his family New York Post headline bound to be hilarious Dead U.S. soldiers rise Lazarus-like screaming "U-S-A! U-S-A!" This is the fucking guy who tried to kill our President's Dad Christian superiority confirmed Saddam's smokin' hot wives back on the singles scene Long-awaited validation for all those flag-waving country western songs T-shirt salesman who happened to have piles of "We Got Him" shirts sitting in the back room suddenly becomes a gazillionaire Weapons of mass destruction found hidden in his ass Rush Limbaugh takes ill-advised celebratory Vicodin snorts, dies Nation shares a good-hearted laugh when Barbara Bush goes to Iraq to personally slap Saddam in the face, but then slips, falls, and clutches her chest while bellowing funny old lady expressions like "Great goodness gracious!" and "Oh, dearest mercy!" Capture sends a powerful message to America's remaining enemies: Osama bin Laden, Lex Luthor, and the Joker Bad: This apparently justifies driving an SUV, for some reason Have to update the ol' America's Most Wanted card deck yet again No more pity trips to that Iraqi restaurant up the street Impossible to find any Michael Jackson news CNN has to totally rework its Searching for Saddam Christmas special Lack of computer access for Saddam means one less Lunchboxing reader Thousands killed in sudden explosion of Sean Hannity arrogance barometer Increase in post-Saddam capture depression syndrome Major job losses predicted for torture industry U.S. goes back to scapegoating everything on Snowball, that one pig from the Animal Farm. (This literary reference brought to you by the American Library Council. To learn more about Snowball visit your local public library.) Fucking in a tiny underground crawl space now referred to as "Saddamy" |
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