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Your Mother Should Know I have never been big on sharing the music I own with my parents. I think it goes back to the time I was eleven and put on my brand new Dead Milkmen tape in the car with my dad. The first song came on, which is called "Tiny Town". Sometimes-lead singer Rodney Anonyomous takes on the first person role of "citizen of tiny town" and speaks confidently and ignorantly, as many small town citizens tend to do. The song starts out "Hello, my name is Billy Bob and I don't give a damn..." to set the tone. Of course I was young and didn't quite get the references at the time. Then the last verse of the song comes on which includes the line "'Cause we hate blacks and we hate Jews...". Needless to say, things got tense in the car. Especially since out of context, you'd just think that this was some dumb punk band that is completely anti-semitic and racist. My dad didn't say anything, and to be honest I'm not sure he was even paying attention. But I felt totally weird, and from that incident on I have refrained from openly sharing most of my music with the folks. The reggae kids have it easy with their "positive vibration" shit. They can pump up the Inner Circle in pops ride any time of day! The reason I share this story with you is as a way of prepping you, the lunchboxing fans, for a music review itterated by Travis LoDolce's mom, and written by Travis himself. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. So read! bullied by jamie flam on 11/8/2002 :: Just Keep Reading Lunchboxing, Lou  You've all heard that Paul Simon jam "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover", yes? Well, assuming you have, then you'd realize that the prick only gives like 5 alternatives (for leaving your lover), and they are limited to folks with the names Jack, Stan, Roy, Gus, and Lee. Well, you may as well have been born in the 40's to utilize the stupid choices he gives. Jesus. Please forgive my bad mood. I just happen to hate Paul Simon. Sure, he had a couple hot tunes in the 60's, but if I have to hear "Still Crazy After All These Years" one more time in my life, I just may have to...turn the radio off, or whatever. I just remember this one time this girl I worked with at this restaurant put on whatever his newest CD was at the time ('01ish) over the resatuarant stereo and started singing, and was asking everybody if they had heard "his latest" yet, as if everybody in the entire world cares about Paul Simon's latest. Whatever. It totally was all sucky and stuff. I always preffered Garfunkel anyways. Oh yes. Read the lunchboxing article entitled 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover. It's far more informative than any silly song. bullied by jamie flam on 11/7/2002 :: Reasons Corporate America is A Lot of Fun - Volume the First  The rules of humor in Corporate America - where I work - don't always a allow a person to make the jokes they might normally make, and don't always guarantee that people will appreciate certain jokes when made. There is also no guarantee that a person won't find humor where it is not intended. Let me explain through a few recent examples... Setup: A staff meeting, small talk, breakfast comes up. Girl: "The great thing about Pop Tarts is that you can either warm them up, or eat them cold and they're still good." My Joke: "Right, they're kind of like pork in that way." Verdict: Absolutely died. Not a single laugh. Humiliation. --------------------- Setup: A staff meeting again. The boss is making some promotion announcements, of which there are three. Boss: "Congratulations to the three of you on your promotions. Is there anything else that anyone would like to say, any questions, comments? My Joke: "Yes, if you don't mind, I'd like to announce the promotion of my goatee to full beard. I think this is an important step for my facial hair and looking forward to seeing where I can go from here." Verdict: I did not make that joke, but really wanted to. --------------------- Setup: Benefits Orientation. Presenter: "Does anyone have any questions about Accidental Death Life Insurance?" My Joke: "Yeah, i'm just curious...does that cover murder?" Verdict: I didn't make this joke either. But, to make up for it here's a description of an exchange that actually did happened and made me laugh. ------------ AFLAC Chick: I'm encouraging you to ask questions, I'll even give away pens to anyone who asks one! Person in Group: Well, the only thing I know about Aflac is those duck commercials. AFLAC Chick: That's right, we do have those commercials. What do you think everybody, does that a deserve a pen? Everybody: Sure! (Pen Given) AFLAC Chick: As for what the insurance does...it really has nothing to do with the duck. Me: (Audible laughter) bullied by Jason Betrue on 11/6/2002 :: A Stupid Little Story by jamie flam  I stood in line waiting for the Line "P" bus at the Transbay Terminal after work. It had been a long day and I was ready to go home. It was taking longer than usual and I was getting irritable. Finally a bus pulled up to the stop, and I noticed that people were milling about, confused. I looked up at the bus. Instead of the standard "P Piedmont" in the LED light display above the front dash, it read "680X". The line moved forward, however, and people started boarding. When I reached the driver, I put my three singles in the money counter, looked up and said "This is the P line right?" He nodded and replied "Hell yeah! You know I ain't gonna lose no sleep over no stunt sign!" I walked down the aisle to my seat, gleaming, for the bus driver had discovered the key to life and openly shared it with me. bullied by jamie flam on 11/6/2002 :: Boris Likes The Raps!  If you like the rappedy raps like our friend Boris the Russian Nuclear Scientist, then you are in for a treat. Much like resident rap hound young tuck who graced our pages earlier in the week, Boris delivers phat flows like no other Russian scientist we know of. So hop in your hip hop-mobil (if you don't have one, then you must not "be hip-hop"), get online, and download (read) Boris' latest lyrics via lunchboxing. Click that picture above of the rap car to get there. bullied by jamie flam on 11/5/2002 :: On Some Ol' Testament Shit  I have been scouring the internet all morning looking for a picture of a rich, white kid around 18 years old to go with a feature I posted by young tuck. Would you believe I have pretty much come up empty? Luckily my search led me to the picture you see above from a horrifying site called www.biblepuppet. com. This character was named "Dude" and couldn't look more stereotypically Jewish to me. Look at that freakin' shnozz! I am not offended. Surprisingly delighted, in a terrified kind of way. The picture of "Julio" is pretty stereotypical too...It's weird how two things that normally scare the hell out of me, the bible and puppets, can come together to create something that is so donwright scary. Wait, that's not weird at all! With that in mind, go ahead and read a transcription of the newest "young tuck" "remix". bullied by jamie flam on 11/5/2002 :: The Santa Clause Review, Too  If you ask me, it's never too early (or late) to put out a good, warm hearted Tim Allen Santa Claus themed movie. The kids love Santa, and what adult in their right mind doesn't absolutely love Tim Allen? I mean, let's be frank: the guy is fucking awesome! When he makes one of those jokes about tools, or men loving tools, or whatever, us men can't help but relate, and then acknowledge how much we relate with a healthy chuckle. The guy is for real. And Tim Molloy has taken the time to review his latest installment from the always wonderful Santa Claus duology. Click on the picture of Santa to read. Then, after that, read something else. bullied by jamie flam on 11/4/2002 :: |
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