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Don't Forget to Smile Today bullied by Jason Betrue on 10/19/2002 :: Video Game As Life  Click the pic for some totally tubular ways to maximize your game time on the screen and in the real world. The virtual real world that is. Totally cybertastic! bullied by jamie flam on 10/18/2002 :: Will the “New” Emily Dickinson’s Letter to the World Ever be read? Lunchboxing fanatics are dying to know! In a beautifully sculpted essay, Pete Nicely takes on this highly controversial topic in rare lunchboxing form. Read it six times. To do that, click the title of this post above. bullied by Pete Nicely on 10/18/2002 :: Top Ten Most Common Non Sequiturs Heard Onstage at Local Comedy Clubs 1. Man, I miss Bill Clinton. 2. Where is my guitar? 3. Who loves eating pussy? 4. Does this cum stain make me look fat? 5. This microphone smells like an Arab. 6. I think I’m gonna have to kill that bitch. 7. I don’t try to talk to you when you are in a hotel room blowing someone. 8. This next guy only looks like a little pussy. 9. You guys have been great. 10. Not all women are moody; some are dead. bullied by Pete Nicely on 10/17/2002 ::  This is sick. It is also funny. Which makes it appropriate for lunchboxing. Read it a couple times. Not so fast, Grandma... bullied by jamie flam on 10/17/2002 :: My Day At Work This may just be the most offensive lunchboxing piece ever! Grandma, do yourself a favor and skip this one. The "f word" is used far beyond gratuitously. In fact, Rabbis and Pastors that frequent this site may just want to pass this one by too. And young children. Based on the site stats there is a surprisingly large number of kids in the 8-11 demographic coming here on the regular. So you guys stick to the Zing! article, okay? And perhaps people I work with should avoid this too, as it may open your eyes to my daily activities here...Actually, whatever, fuck it, I have nothing to hide! Click here to read! bullied by jamie flam on 10/17/2002 ::  Resident political cartoonist Charlie Padow is back this week with another look at "Amerikkka the beautiful". Notice I spelled America with three K's. That stands for the KKK. Which is kinda how our government is at times. You see what I am saying? Totally all stupid and stuff. I mean, YOU KNOW that the government totally uses our taxes to buy drugs for themselves and get high and control the media so that they can get free samples of whatever they want. I am so pissed right now. Click that elephant thing to see the cartoons. bullied by jamie flam on 10/16/2002 :: The Danger of Forwarding Emails My aunt recently told me that she got an email account in a way that suggested I should be impressed like she was going to a Laker game with Jack Nicholson or replacing Rik Rok as Shaggy's main collaborator. She took to the net like a Jew to Laughlin. And she immediately disregarded my advice and signed up for every mailing list possible. As a result, on a recent Tuesday she got 342 emails in her inbox. She told me this like I should be proud of her. As soon as she could, my aunt began forwarding me things. She would forward me humorous asides about kids on Ritalin, like I had been. She would even send me humorous riffs at heavy drug users, as I had been. Her favorite things to forward, of course, were lists of things about farts or cuss words. The worst thing was that every time she sent out a list another one of my awful distant relatives figured out my email and decided to write me to see if I could get them tickets to Disneyland where I'm working as an accountant. My tolerance ran out when my aunt sent me a list of what every religion is about in relationship to the word "shit" (Like you don’t know: Judiasm= Why does shit always happen to me; Hindu = This shit has happened before) . I tightened with frustration; She thought I hadn’t seen that embarrassing bit of glib philosophy by 2002. Hadn’t she ever been inside a T-shirt shop, a car wash gift shop? It made me want to kill her. But I didn't. After that every time my aunt forwarded me, I wrote back the exact same thing: Aunt (I love simply calling her aunt like I am in the Joy Luck Club), Please do not forward me anything you did not write. I love to hear from you but I don't have time to read the email I get for work as it is. Thanks, Nephew. I think this upset her because my Mom would vaguely ask me about it and I would repeat the idea of my response and try to move on. Nothing worked. The forwards kept coming at an increasing pace. I decided to retaliate. I forwarded everything I got, including junk email, including the junkmail that said “Pete Nicely, finally there is a simple solution to your small penis” . In one week I think I forwarded her over 500 pieces of mail. I worked about five hours of overtime to fit it all in. Then it stopped. For a whole week I didn’t get one email from her. I hoped I would never hear from her again. I imagined not speaking to her for the next fifty Thanksgiving. I had fought back in the only way I could. Then my mom called, “Pete, you gave your aunt a computer virus.” I did not. It was impossible. “She wants you to come over her house and fix it,” my mom told me. I wouldn’t. Two days later my Mom called again and threatened me. She told me what was at stake: her Hanukkah present, my aunt’s Hanukkah present maybe even my Grandma’s. I didn’t give a fuck about the presents but the idea of my Grandma withholding her generous present thinking that I did some purposeful evil and dirty like sending my aunt a virus angered me. I decided that on that Saturday I would waste an entire day driving to my Grandma’s house to explain my side. Even though that would take several hours longer than walking to my aunts and reinstalling her whole system. My grandma was sick like she’s been for a while when I found her. She always pretends that she’s ok and makes me tear-up knowing the whole charade won’t last much longer. We spent the day together and I actually left forgetting why I had driven six hours to see her. I walked back in and sat next to her and tried to explain the whole scenario. She shook her head as I explained my aunt’s pitiful net-iquette. She didn’t understand email but the concept of being annoyed by her family was familiar. I summed it all up and said, “So her computer is broken and she and my mom want me to fix it. And I won’t, I just won’t.” I couldn’t tell if she was just proud or just gassy but she smiled as she summed up her religious philosophy with, “Shit happens.” According to the chart, she’s a Taoist. bullied by Pete Nicely on 10/15/2002 :: Amidst rumors of the actor's dwindling health, top executives and scientists from the leading network television, cable television, motion picture and toupee industries all teamed together to form Burtronics, Ltd. a company focusing on Global Marketing Solutions and the creation of... BOT REYNOLDS For fear that Smokey and the Bandit: Still Smokin', Cannonball Run: Still Runnin', and Evening Shade: The Golden Years would never see the light, the robot clone was created over a period of 3.5 hours in a basement in Dom DeLuise's Toluca Lake home. Over the course of the next few weeks, programming will continue until Bot has achieved impeccable mimicry of Burt Reynolds and has a complete database of the dialogue and action sequences for all of Burt Reynolds' films, except for The End.  Bitchin' drawing by Michelle Romo, mastermind behind YellowToothpick.com bullied by Jason Betrue on 10/15/2002 :: The Zinging Continues!  Due to the overwhelming response to the original Zing Patrol article, we here at lunchboxing decided to dig a little deeper, and get new and exciting angles on the story. Chris Weisbart was the first to volunteer his reaction to the hotbed of zing activity that occured Friday evening. Click here to read more, or click here to read the original. Then, you can click here again to read the Weisbart article, or just go back and click on the original. bullied by jamie flam on 10/15/2002 :: My Top Five Smashing Pumpkins Songs People often chide me because I love the Smashing Pumpkins. They say, "Pete. You are a music whore. You have awful taste." People try to hurt my feelings. They say, "Billy Corgan is a whiny pretentious, bald sap. Poor Uncle Fester had a bad childhood, get out the violins and the double albums." Are my feelings hurt? Of course, my feelings are hurt. Well fuck you guys. Just because you are stupid fucks are so fucking stupid and fucking lame doesn't mean I'm going to loose my cool. Calmness is strength. 1.Set the Ray to Jerry Download this special number! Only available as a b-side on the 1979 single and then as a stand-out of The Aeroplane Flies High box set. The track is spaced out and warm . An ambient bassline that reminds you how much a little song-craft can make special sounds into special songs. Best lyrical couplet: born to please, every simple need/ i stand alone, and my thoughts/ indeed hate you 2. Pennies From the same boxed set. Kinda sounds like the best indie rock of that period. Tin guitar sound and driven song structure make this song feel about 45 seconds long. (It must be longer). Best lyrical contingent: all the world must know/ that i loved you so/ especially when you'd go. 3. Spaceboy Yea, Billy’s brother is mentally disabled. This song seems to me to be about that feeling of not being able to take care of someone you love and trying to make some myth that justifies it. Best lyrical couplet And anyway you choose me/ We won't belong 4. To Shelia The opening track on Adore. So bare and personal. A Smashing Pumpkins song not about the guitars or feeling bad for yourself., the first great song on the last great SP album Best lyrical couplet : it meant the world/ to hold a bruising faith 5. Thirty-Three This isn’t a real list. This is just how I feel right now. I pretty much love every song from Gish to Adore. This one kills me more everyday I get closer to the magic age. Best lyrical couplet: the earth laughs beneath my heavy feet/ at the blasphemy in my old jangly walk Of course, the Smashing Pumpkins don't need anymore promotion. They are long broken up and well exposed. If I am going to waste my time, I should focus on bands that need exposure. Still, I I had to lay down the law first because you rude stupid fucks are so mean. bullied by Pete Nicely on 10/14/2002 ::  This last weekend was a doozy, and luckily I lived to tell the tale! As you will read in the following story by clicking on the white box above that says "Zing Patrol", things got a little "out of hand" at the flam household. So strap on your zingbelts, do the right zing, and zing down for some zingy zing zing! bullied by jamie flam on 10/14/2002 ::  If you've ever been stuck on a plane then you know about a little magazine I like to call "Sky Mall." you also know what it's like to fly in the air, much to the jealousy of earlier peoples, like the Mayans and the Romans. Unless the plane you were stuck on was also stuck on the ground, in which case you dont know what it's like to fly in the air. I was stuck on a plane this weekend. i know what it's like to fly in the air. i also know what it's like to read Sky Mall. My friends Rebecca and Mark also know the joys of flying and reading Sky Mall. They pointed this picture out to me giggling. I think they were drunk, though. In any case, the point is made: "Eat your heart out Mayans and Romans, you're a bunch of fucking pussies!" bullied by Chris Weisb on 10/14/2002 :: |
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