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 When it comes to sports, Dan Fazio doesn't give a shit. He tells it like it is, shit. Shit, he doesn't even know how to hold back. Holding back from saying bad words, including the word shit, is just not in his blood. Shit. He reminds me of myself. Very profane. Very intelligent. Ocassionaly handsome. Shit, always handsome. The shit. Read this. bullied by jamie flam on 10/11/2002 :: Ask The Dead Stars  Did you know that Vic Tayback of "Alice" was Arab-American? Well, he may not be for sure, but he is prominently featured at ArabAmerican.com, which leads me to believe that he was in fact Arab American. Did you also know that Vic Tayback was dead? Well he may not be for sure, but he is prominently featured at a graveyard somewhere, which leads me to believe that he is in fact dead. Mike Spiegelman, a lunchboxer, used his outerworldly powers to transcribe this outerworldly dialogue from the dead. It's totally outerworldly! bullied by jamie flam on 10/11/2002 :: Public Schools to Ban Inside Jokes. Wink. Wink. LOS ANGELES- I guess someone has got something jammed up their nose. Wink. Wink. Or someone shops at Marshall's too often. WInk. Wink. But whoever is lame and doesn't get it is seeking to ban all "inside jokes" at all Los Angeles public schools. "I know they are laughing at me," admits Biology teacher Fred Mandolin. "But, I don't know why!" Everytime Mandolin bends down his students make a fart sound. Mandolin understands why his students laugh at that. "But, why do they laugh everytime I mention my passion for certain Mexican foods, like Chorizo?" The jokers may be well-meaning and high spirited but they won't reveal why they are laughing. "It's like kinda obvious," says Gladys Lopez who then giggled as this reporter asked if she knew where to get any good tacos around town. Reaction from parents is mixed. "They laugh at me too but only when I make huevos," said Nelly Mills, proud parent of a threesome. Principal Fred Skinn explains, "This comes down to a basic problem of students making it hard on teachers and some of their nerdier peers. If they are going to make it hard, then we are going to finish it. And we'll finish it as quickly as possible." bullied by Pete Nicely on 10/11/2002 :: Thumbs Up To Google!  Did you know that you can search for images on Google? It's crazy fun. The only dissapointing thing is that when you type in "jamie flam", without quotes, only one picture comes up, and it is the one you see above. I mean, I suppose it could be worse. When you type in "tony liu" you get this:  Don't get me wrong, sharp looking guy no doubt, but not a fair representation of good pal Tony Liu who is far more handsome than this kindly looking gentleman. Thanks Google! bullied by jamie flam on 10/10/2002 :: The Funopolis of San Franfunsco  It is a scientific fact that San Francisco is a unique and quirky city. Here are some other facts about San Francisco and its inhabitants: Rice-A-Roni is especially delicious when consumed on a Cable Car; The prison found on Alcatraz was actually built before the filming of the Nicholas Cage/Sean Connery movie "The Rock"; Alcatraz in haunted; Bird men live on Alcatraz; the house Mrs. Doubtfire was filmed in is haunted; John Stamos' wife on the show Full House liked the Bay Area so much when filming every episode in the city that she often returns to visit; Full House was a top rated eighties and nineties sitcom; Some people love Dave Coulier's impression of Popeye; Many such folks live in San Francisco. There you have it: FACTS. One more fact is that the following article entitled "The Best of "Only in 'Frisco" by lunchboxer Mike Spiegelman (not to be confused with The Anti Mike Spiegelman or the Anti Anti Mike Spiegelman) is a good time for everyone. So treat yourself right for once, and take a dip into the bay: the Inter-net bay that is! bullied by jamie flam on 10/10/2002 :: How Much Weight Would I Lose if.... 1. I dieted for three weeks About 9 pounds 2. I excercized for a month About 7 pounds 3. I took a nice dump 3 pounds 4. I picked my nose 2 pounds 5. I shaved my back About 1 pound 6. I had an orgasm Almost a pound 7. I wore tight cords No change, possibly fatter 7. I wore a slimming jacket Would like like about 4 pounds bullied by Pete Nicely on 10/10/2002 :: An Email From Grandma Hi Honey, Just put your site on Favorites. It is cute and entertaining, especially for your generation!! Enjoy, enjoy. I am leaving tomorrow for Oakland and staying at the Marriott Courtyard near the airport. Mom and Dad are coming in at 7:30, so maybe I will meet them there. The shuttle transports back and forth. I will see you at the Bar Mitzvah. Can't wait to get a grandma hug. Love ya, Grandma ---------------------------------------------- What a sweetie pie! I have to agree with her that this site "is cute and entertaining, especially for my generation". I still like to think, however, that it would be enjoyed immensly by people who lived in the Dark Ages, as well as 18th Century Western Europeans. Both generations seemed to possess a certain zest for life that I find rampant on this site. By the way, I kept the part about the Bar Mitzvah just to show off just how Jewish I can be sometimes. Thank you. bullied by jamie flam on 10/9/2002 :: Regulate...The Debunk Era  If you like articles about rap music that use big words and who's intent is to make Jamie Flam look bad, then this feature was written for you. If you don't like rap music so much, you may still like it if you know who Jamie Flam is. If you don't know who Jamie Flam is, but enjoy a good rap song every once in a while, this article may be up your alley. If you aren't much of a rap fan, and don't know who Jamie Flam is, you may not enjoy this at all. But then again, you might surprsingly learn something and feel the urge to go buy a rap compact disc and shoot Jamie Flam in the face. Or buy him flowers. Being Jamie Flam myself, I suggest you opt for the latter. Thank you. Click here or the pic of Warren G. bullied by jamie flam on 10/9/2002 :: My Secret Challenge  Throughout history many things have claimed to be strong enough for a man but made for a woman. Recently Woman's Tennis, sports bras and David Hasselhoff have gained fame claiming that they indeed are strong enough for a man but made for women. We all know that Secret Deodorant bases their entire branding on this provocative catchphrase. I say enough is enough. For the next 7 to 8 eight weeks I will use Secret Deodorant and let the one person who regularly views this site how it is working through the comment section of this post. Let me assure you: I am a man and I do have underarm hair. Let the contest begin! bullied by Pete Nicely on 10/8/2002 :: He's Not Your Vydas, Not My Vydas, He's Arvydas!  Lunchboxing Sports correspondent Dan Fazio is on the basketball trail. The Blazing trail. Some might say he is a Trailblazer. But most wouldn't. So in commemoration of this years major league baseball playoffs, we proudly present this short, slightly informational piece on the uneventful return of Arvydas Sabonis to the NBA. bullied by jamie flam on 10/8/2002 :: Medical Marijuana to Be Available in Britain in Two Years It appears that marijuana, a favorite of young and old rap fans alike, will become legal as a medicine in the UK very soon. In related news, a measure that would legalize pot for recreational use is on the ballot in the state of Nevada this November. That gives you two choices: move to Nevada, or the logical choice, get ill and marry a British Citizen by 2004. I was amused to note that in the British coverage of the cannabis breakthrough, the press was given to pointing out the historical rumor that suggests Queen Victoria used weed to treat her female problems. We all know how PWLP (people who love pot) in the US enjoy pointing out that George Washington grew hemp. He also owned slaves and never used a high-speed Internet connection. I love how people who reject social norms love to bring up icons that participated in the act they are seeking to justify. It's the kind of logic that got your mom saying, if _______ jumped off a bridge would you? But more disturbing to me, this trend seeks to deny that human beings have unconscious motivations that rule our life. We all think and do sick shit but just because we have doesn't mean we should. The same for George or Victoria. Of course, I think pot should be legal. I think their should be age minimums, the stupider or poorer you are the older you should have to be to smoke it. If a poor person is made to feel content with their life because of pot, some might think that's good. It may be better for the present but the sad fact is that the stupider and poorer you are, the more you are likely to reproduce rapidly. This all leads me of course to the present controversy of Snoop, the mainstream rap artist, versus Snoop the emerging pornographer. Does Snoop risk his whole career by endeavoring to make pornography? Maybe. Should a pornographer really be on the Jay Leno show? Probably not, but Snoop won't miss it. We live in world filled with media venues and an endless need for content for masturbation. If Snoop can't be in the next Muppet movie, no one is hurt and nothing is changed. We can just sit back and think about the sick, depraved unconscious sexual imagery of Muppets (especially Gonzo) and do what Queen Victoria did when she had cramps in secrecy. bullied by Pete Nicely on 10/6/2002 :: |
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