|
 |
Latest Madonna Rumours by Mike Spiegelman * If you eat Madonna and drink Pepsi at the same time, you will explode. * Madonna is made from worms, kangaroo meat and is filled with spider eggs. I know this because a friend of a friend from another high school ate her and died. * Madonna's penis is on secret display in the Smithsonian. * The CIA sold Madonna in US ghettos to fund their secret wars. * Jack Palance mistakenly announced Madonna as Best Supporting Actress during the Oscars. * Madonna never thought Martika was talented. bullied by Mike Spiegelman on 8/24/2002 ::  Did Someone Say "Leisure"? Tommorow morning I am headed off to Eugene, Oregon to help Chris Wesibart and Jenny move their belongings to their new house. I was there once before, right after I graduated college. I have pictures to prove it. You can tell it was right after college because I was much fatter. Anyways, I am going back again. It's got a very Berkeley/Telegraph Ave. vibe to it. Maybe even more so than Telegraph itself. I wonder if I will go to the same small Italian restaurant with pictures of Wavy Gravy and Carlos Santana on the wall. Or wait, maybe that's everyrestaurant in Eugene. At least this time I won't be sleeping illegally in an astro van at Leisure World RV stop a few miles out of town. Unless Chris kicks me out for some reason. In which case I will be forced to go back to Leisure World and find an astro van that will have me. But seeing as how he is the nicest guy around, I am not too worried. Speaking of leisure though....who doesn't love some nice leisure? I mean, it's pretty much the best thing in the world. Leisure. Leisure World. Heaven. It's even a cool name for a band or album: Leisure World. Has it already been done? Let me know. The only problem with the word leisure is that the more you say it, the more it sounds like lesion. Like a skin lesion. Such a nasty word. Lesion. Would you date someone that had a notable lesion? I wouldn't. Well, maybe if it was a temporary lesion and I was made aware of it's non-permanance. Even still, I'd keep a distance between myself and the lesion until it started to clear up. Even then I wouldn't rush into anything. On that note, I bid thee all farewell. I will return Monday a changed man. Well, at the very least I will have plenty of positive vibrations to send around. Ciaozers! bullied by jamie flam on 8/22/2002 :: And now, it’s time for another hysterical... Failed Crank Yankers Phone Call Phone rings. Crank Call Victim: Hello? Crank Yanker Puppet: (quickly) A-consenter-to-recording-this-phone-call says "what"? CCV: What? CYP: (normal) Nothing. Good afternoon, madam. I am conducting a telephone survey and want to ask you a few questions, whore. CCV: Did you just call me a “whore”? CYP: No, no, no (coughing) blow me. (normal) Now, question number one, I think Jimmy Kimmel is funny because… CCV: Did you just tell me to blow you? CYP: No, just answer the question, skank. Comedy Central Executive: Uh, excuse me…excuse me, madam? CCV: What? CCE: What color is your hair? CCV: Red. Why? CCE: Oooh, red doesn’t test well with 14-25 year old males. Mind if we make your hair blonde? CYP: Get off the phone! Stop interfering in the creative process! CCE: Just doing my job. If you don’t like it, pal, go back to the “Jamie Kennedy Experience.” CYP: At least Jamie knows funny. Stop harassing me over the telephone! (hangs up) CCE: Fuck you! You’ll never work in pathetically bad television again! (hangs up) CCV: Hello? bullied by Mike Spiegelman on 8/22/2002 ::  A message from PUPPET POWER!!! Remember not to drop out of your local or out-of-state University...Especially if you only have a few classes left. I mean, at THAT point, you may as well just get your degree, can't you see? bullied by jamie flam on 8/22/2002 :: Warning: BIG BEE! CLICK HERE!!Oh my god!!! Do you see the size of this bee??? I mean, it's HUGE!!!! I wouldn' t want to get stung by THAT THING!!! It must be one of them KILLER beeS!!! And I'm not talking Wu-Tang related here....the kind of killer bees that KILL you is what I mean!!!! I mean, I love HONEY, but get that STUFF away!!! I hope someone here has a really big BAND-AID!!! YOOUUCCCHH!!!! I've heard of beeing tough, but this is ridiulous!! Everyone run to your HIVE!!! I mean home!! Look at me, I gotta bee crazy!!! I need a beer to calm me down....wait, ANTHING but beer!!! Someone put me out of my misery...here's a bee bee gun. WAIT!!! That won't work, it's not lethal!! I'm hungry for a salad, with beeTS!!! I mean NOT beeTS!!! This has been a long and winding road, kinda like that beetles song....NOOOOOOO!!!!! Maybe some rap music will calm me down. Turn up that funky beet!!!! Turn it down, turn it down! I should find a mountain to jump off. "Look out beelow" I'd say as I descended rapidly downward. OH MY GOD!!! I'm sorry I missed your birthday, friend. But have a happy beelated one!!!! AGHHHH!!!! Okay I'm done. bullied by jamie flam on 8/22/2002 :: This site is called homopants. We don't know why. It sure is fun to look at!! bullied by Quarterbar on 8/20/2002 ::  What happens when Frankie tells Jamie about a job opening at his company, and then gets him an interview and then preps him for it? Wacky hijinx, THAT'S what!!! Enter the fictional world of Frankie and Jamie.... bullied by jamie flam on 8/20/2002 :: Defining Moments in American History by mike spiegelman WARNING: SPOILERS!!!!! The Civil War: The War Between the States began in 1861 and was fought by the Confederate Army against the Union. It was resolved in 1865 when [WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!] the Union won. [\SPOILERS] Alaska admitted to the Union: On Jan. 3, 1959, Alaska is admitted to the Union, making it [MAJOR SPOILER!!!!!] the 49th of the United States. Oswald shot on live TV: On November 24, 1963, while America was still reeling from the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, Jr., alleged assassin Lee Harvey Oswald was shot on live television by [SPOILER ALERT! SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!] Jack Ruby. bullied by jamie flam on 8/20/2002 ::  Kleenex Cottonelle Toilet Paper Gives Me Dingle-berries Every TimeEvery time!! Every fucking time!!! What, do they make it so it's supposed to shred on your shitter?! i'm talking painful ones too! dingleberries that are bonded to you with enough heat and pressure they could form into tiny diamonds if allowed to. Have you seen their commercial with the bear? They say it's supposed to NOT shred! NOT shred, dammit! There's one scene where the bear is wiping it's ass and it's little brown tail is on the toilet paper. Needless to say, it looks like a brown piece of shit. although, not like my shit, which cannot come out of my ass due to the immense buildup of dingle.  bullied by Chris Weisb on 8/19/2002 :: The Incredibly Awesome Adventures of the Little P.A. that Could Earl Grey tea: one tea bag, a grip of sugar, and a splash of milk. Drink. Repeat. Stealthily maneuver into the driver's seat in front of iMac. In contention: 3 other P.A.s eager to check email. Sorry. Me first. A bit of internet surfing. A lot of Instant Messaging. A couple of "can I jump on the computer for a second?'s followed by a few "yeeeeeaaaah...one sec." Earl Grey: same formula as above. Drink. Repeat. Drive something somewhere. Come back. Read. Chat. Check email. Go home. Repeat 5 days a week. There will be a day when I make a movie about that frickin' production company in Culver City that never made movies. bullied by Chrissie Canino on 8/19/2002 ::  The lunchboxing community still awaits a post from this extremely tall, yet still elusive boy-man. For now, this picture of him with the cartoon bubble, rendered in photoshop by jamie flam, will have to suffice for the six people who check this site on a regular basis. bullied by jamie flam on 8/19/2002 :: |
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
| lunchboxing.com 2003 | all content © | all rights reserved | suck it so hard | feel the rhythm of the night |
